Vidaza - Take 2

Today begins the second round of Vidaza shots. My arms are already aching and turning black-and-blue just from thinking about it.

And, of course, I’ve been reminding myself every 15 minutes to remember to take the anti-nausea meds.

Just thinking about potentially being nauseous makes me nauseous. Suggestion truly is powerful.

Am still trying to get myself to understand that, no matter how well this Vidaza works, it doesn’t cure the disease. Actually, I’m still trying to convince myself that this is a disease. And, that I actually have it.

Sometimes I forget I have it. Sometimes I remember.

Penny and I are planning some trips for this summer, and it the idea of traveling excites me. But, semi-consciously I’m hesitant. Doubt creeps in about

• whether a trip will interfere with the meds schedule
• whether I’ll have enough stamina
• what happens if I suddenly fall ill and the blood counts plummet
• whether doctors in exotic, faraway lands (like Maine, or California, say) know about MDS
• whether every germ in the universe threatens my health and happiness
• whether true happiness really exists
• whether, if it does, I can experience true happiness, given my father’s genetic legacy
• whether happiness truly is, as Charlie Brown said, "two kinds of ice cream"
• whether...

But, I digress.

If what it takes is shots, I will dutifully go for my shots today. And every day this week. And every week at the beginning of every month this year. And every year for, well, let’s hope for many years.