Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

What an up-and down week it has been. First, on Monday, I felt like a bag of manure all day. Aches, pains, slight nausea, stomachache, headache. It was worse than the symptoms I'd make up to tell my mom when I’d try to get out of going to school by claiming I wasn’t feeling good.

Oh my, I thought, if this is what Vidaza treatments are going to be like without prednisone to counteract them, I’m in big trouble.

But, Tuesday through Thursday were pretty much fine.

Yet, here we are on Friday and I’m feeling like I’ve swallowed a horse tranquilizer. I slept right through almost an entire film on Turner Classic Movies. I hope Charlton Heston wasn’t insulted.

And, twice this week—Monday and Tuesday, actually—I forgot to take my anti-nausea Zofran before I left for Dr. Onco’s place. On Monday, I didn’t realize that I’d forgotten til I arrived at Dr. O’s office. Luckily, she had some stuff on-hand.

Tuesday, I was about a third of the way there when I remembered and, even though it meant I’d be half an hour late for my appointment, which meant that my father’s ghost was crying out in agony and anguish over such tardiness, I returned home to take the meds.

You see, I kept thinking the stuff Dr. O gave me on Monday wasn’t as potent as the stuff I have at home and that’s maybe why Monday was such a bummer. I wasn’t taking no chances.

Still—what kind of subconscious message was being delivered? How on earth could I forget the anti-nausea meds? Was this some kind of perverse, self-punishing denial I was suddenly thrusting on myself? Pointless rebellion? Arch stupidity?

Oh, diary! How could I be such a fool? Why would I subject myself to the horrifying prospect of projectile vomiting? What can it mean? Was I unknowingly hoping to get into the Guinness Book of Records for distance and accuracy?

Now, a large, hand-written sign is posted on the front door to remind me. ZOFRAN!!! it says. If I can walk past that one, then either I’m going blind or I’m truly a masochist.

I mean, really Diary, can you imagine?

And, Diary? Thanks for listening.