Thursday, May 7, 2009

Now What?

Armed with some drug literature, a Web page printout and the ability to search this disease on the Web, I begin due-diligence on MDS.

Oy-boy.

The first few items that jump out at me:
  • median survival - 3-5 years
  • usual treatments - regular transfusions, other nastiness
  • response percentages to Vidaza - 70% positive
Frankly, at this point, a person comes face-to-face with his own mortality.

True, the more I read, the better my situation seems to become. It seems that much of the info on the Web is dated. Vidaza is a recently approved drug that has markedly improved things.

Still, it’s hard not to feel nervous, dread, excitement. Kind of like a mouse probably feels when a cat begins to play with it before the kill.

What if I really do have just one to three years to live?
What will I do?
What will I be capable of doing?
What if I just ignore all this?
Will I be capable of ignoring all this?
How odd is it to potentially have an end-date to your life?

The next thought is more practical. Get your house in order.

Better make that living will/advanced directive.
Better create a master list of all the bills, account numbers, Web passwords, etc., for banks, utilities, whatever.
Better review everything with Penny.

Isn't that stuff that should already have been done and kept up to date on an ongoing basis?

Yes sir. Yes ma'am. And, now I will do that.

Even though I don't believe I have only three more years to live.
Even though I don't believe I'll be unable to function normally.
Even though I do believe that I can carry on as my half-asleep, procrastinating self.

Time to make like a boy scout. Be prepared.

Wait a minute.

Let's not get fatalistic or maudlin.

I'm still planning on skiing next winter.
I’m still planning on watching the Giants win another Super Bowl.
I’m still planning on being around when grandkids are born.
I’m still planning on celebrating a 50th anniversary.
I’m still planning on writing the Great American Novel.

Yes, that’s the plan. Well, except maybe for that last item.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Mitch, I like the sound of your Plans! Thanks for keeping us updated with your discoveries and progess. Ted

    ReplyDelete
  2. No. no. Thank you for staying tuned.

    ReplyDelete