We were this close. A few minutes away. Ready to declare victory over Chemotherapy Stage I.
Not so fast, Mister.
Less than an hour before the last chemo bag was to be detached on Sunday evening, just that much shortly before I would be free of my Five-Wheeled Friend, the diarrhea struck.
Not much, I thought at the beginning. But, I was duped.
What followed was a nightmare of a night in which I no doubt set the mark for bathroom visits, a number worthy of the Guinness Book of World Records. No one was counting, but I'm estimating 25-30 trips to the can. No sooner would I leave there, re-plug my Five-Wheeled Friend into the wall, and climb into bed than I'd need to return. Immediately.
This was accompanied by strong cramps and gas pains. A real Battle of the Bulge was being fought in my belly.
I called for assistance. A drug! A drug! My kingdom for an anti-diarrhea drug!
Pepto-Bismol was offered.
Are you kidding me?
The best the nurse could do, she said, was Imodium.
Imodium!?! That's like trying to bail out the Titanic with a water glass. How about some Lomotil, long the Kaplan family anti-diarrhea drug of choice?
Can't be done in the middle of the night. Must wait til we can reach Dr. O in the morning.
What kind of irony is this? Here I am in a hospital and I can't get the pharmaceutical of obvious choice. If I were home, I'd walk ten feet to the medicine cabinet and have as much as I cared to swallow.
And, so the night passed.
The Lomotil arrived come morning, an IV saline drip was attached, and most of the day was passed in sleep interrupted by IV drip-driven pee breaks. So much for being IV free.
A request was registered for a stool sample. "I put a 'hat' in the toilet," said Amy the nurse.
"A hat?"
"A little plastic bowl to collect the stool sample in."
"So, you want me to crap in the hat."
All day was required to produce the stool sample. But, like the first crack in a great dam, the stool trickle soon burst into a major flow.
Oh, I didn't break the Guinness record last night. Perhaps only a dozen journeys to the can. But, you try to sleep through that.
Am I disappointed? You bet I am. I thought I'd beat the system. Am I uncomfortable? You betcha. Nothing like cramps, gas pains, a sore overused butt to make a guy feel to home.
But, you know what? I never got nauseous or threw up. We'll take our victories where we can.
Not so fast, Mister.
Less than an hour before the last chemo bag was to be detached on Sunday evening, just that much shortly before I would be free of my Five-Wheeled Friend, the diarrhea struck.
Not much, I thought at the beginning. But, I was duped.
What followed was a nightmare of a night in which I no doubt set the mark for bathroom visits, a number worthy of the Guinness Book of World Records. No one was counting, but I'm estimating 25-30 trips to the can. No sooner would I leave there, re-plug my Five-Wheeled Friend into the wall, and climb into bed than I'd need to return. Immediately.
This was accompanied by strong cramps and gas pains. A real Battle of the Bulge was being fought in my belly.
I called for assistance. A drug! A drug! My kingdom for an anti-diarrhea drug!
Pepto-Bismol was offered.
Are you kidding me?
The best the nurse could do, she said, was Imodium.
Imodium!?! That's like trying to bail out the Titanic with a water glass. How about some Lomotil, long the Kaplan family anti-diarrhea drug of choice?
Can't be done in the middle of the night. Must wait til we can reach Dr. O in the morning.
What kind of irony is this? Here I am in a hospital and I can't get the pharmaceutical of obvious choice. If I were home, I'd walk ten feet to the medicine cabinet and have as much as I cared to swallow.
And, so the night passed.
The Lomotil arrived come morning, an IV saline drip was attached, and most of the day was passed in sleep interrupted by IV drip-driven pee breaks. So much for being IV free.
A request was registered for a stool sample. "I put a 'hat' in the toilet," said Amy the nurse.
"A hat?"
"A little plastic bowl to collect the stool sample in."
"So, you want me to crap in the hat."
All day was required to produce the stool sample. But, like the first crack in a great dam, the stool trickle soon burst into a major flow.
Oh, I didn't break the Guinness record last night. Perhaps only a dozen journeys to the can. But, you try to sleep through that.
Am I disappointed? You bet I am. I thought I'd beat the system. Am I uncomfortable? You betcha. Nothing like cramps, gas pains, a sore overused butt to make a guy feel to home.
But, you know what? I never got nauseous or threw up. We'll take our victories where we can.
Posts
Yow, my sympathies, Mitch.
ReplyDeleteIn an earlier post, a gentleman named Asher recommended marijuana, and you sensibly replied that you didn't think the nurses would appreciate your lighting up in the hospital room (even if you liked the stuff, and it sounds like you don't). Are medical brownies allowed? Not sure. BTW, Asher, I don't think I'm the Louise you went to HS with, I was in Montana those years.
Ah, A new Dr Seuss book, "The Crap in the Hat Came Back"! My sympathies, Mitch.
ReplyDeleteMitch,
ReplyDeleteDr. "O" now has a standing order on Lomotil for you should this situation occur again, right? Have a whole new view on the expression "Go shit in your hat!"
You're in my prayers!
Mitch, you can even make this sound entertaining! Cross your fingers on the nausea. That would be like Shigella, coming out at both ends. We'll cross our fingers and toes for you on both counts. (And have Penny get some of that Lomotil out of the bathroom cabinet.)
ReplyDeleteLove, Cathy
Since and you readers have such a great sense of humor, I am sure you will enjoy knowing that I found my way to you at 5:28 a.m. on Ebay. LOL I put in Myelodysplastic Syndrome to see if I could find any books or literature on the subject and while they did not have any items listed, at the bottom of the Ebay page was a way to click onto your blog. Where there is a will to find answers, somehow there is alway a way....I was diagnosed with MDS last spring and am in the early stages of MDS and am about 5 yrs into Bone Marrow Failure. I would appreciate any advice, tips, book recommendations, etc. that anyone could provide. I feel so blessed to have come across your blog site via Ebay (this has to be a first) and I sure do hope that your "comfort level" improves over the coming days. Hugs from Susie in San Antonio
ReplyDeleteMitch you got me laughing so hard, I fell off my chair while reading your adventure in D-land. Thanks for the entertainment.
ReplyDeleteHey, Mitch.
ReplyDeleteJust tried to send you an e-mail and discovered that the addresses I had are no longer usable. How can I get in touch, virtually speaking?
Big hugs, Barrow Boy, and think "Desitin."
Catfred
We are worried......no comment in many days...hope you are home and doing better....MDS patient Dave... and Patti
ReplyDeleteYou are quiet, Mitch...........too quiet and that bothers me and a great many other people. Can you have your wife post something...just to keep us updated?
ReplyDeleteOff to Vail, CO on a business trip Wednesday but I will be checking in. Would you believe a skier going to Vail for 4 days and NOT skiing? Believe it; it's going to happen to me!
Regardless, let us know what's going on, please? A word or two would be just fine. Keep the Faith, buddy.